I Miss You

Sometimes, I just really miss you, I long for the day's when life was easy, not that life was every really easy, but we tend to romanticize things in our memories, don't we? I miss the way that trusting you used to be easy, I miss the way that laughing and playing together didn't take so much work. I miss the way that I used to look at you and KNOW, just KNOW that I was safe, that you were on my side and would never do anything to hurt me, I miss the way that you used to be carefree and laugh and play, the way that your wonderful blue eyes would look at me and I would know, just know, that I was beautiful to you. I miss the way it was before all of this, before we, together, entered into the refiners fire, But here is the thing my love, yes I do miss you, but I don't want you back, not the you that had secrets, or the you that was deceived. I don't want me back either, the me that was naive, the me that was too demanding or too self absorbed. I want YOU, the real you, and I want you to have ME, the real me. Sometimes it seems that there is no end in sight as we walk through this fire, sometimes it hurts more as the layers get burned away, other times we have a breeze of sweet relief, a fresh breath of hope given by God's precious spirit, But the wonderful truth my love, is that each time we face a trial, a hard conversation, an emotional breakdown, each time we face each other and face our current circumstances together, we are being changed, WE are being refined, together! It might not seem like much from day to day, and some days may even seem like we have taken a few steps back, but look at just how far we have come since the early days of this journey, I look at you, and I see the goodness of our great God, I see his hands at work in our midst, and that my dear, is God turning these ashes into something beautiful, and I am in awe of that! No, this trial isn't easy, it's messy, it hurts, and it is very time consuming, but lets face it do we have something better to accomplish? better than becoming the man and wife God had intended us to be since the beginning? I personally don't think so, I look forward to our future of hope, our future that all Glory to God will be bright, and sound and Holy! No we will never be perfect, but we will be perfect for each other, and perfectly happy to live in the abundance of God's grace, and that is something to be happy about, isn't it? So, it's ok to miss you, to grieve the past and let it go, and then look forward to a future that will be soo much better, a marriage that will be God honoring, a friendship like no other, a love that is pure, I expectantly hope for the days, that as you have said, I will love you with "reckless abandon" they are coming my love, let us walk through this winter till spring has come, just don't let go of my hand and I wont let go of yours...

I Love you,
Your Bride Michelle

Song of Solomon 2:10-11

¹⁰ My beloved spoke and said to me,
“Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, come with me.
¹¹ See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.