Horseback riding

When I was 3 years old I had my first experience with horseback riding, I remember it quite well, Not every detail but I remember what was important about it. My Parents were separated, possibly even divorced by the time this story takes place, however they came together to take me, their only child, out for a time of horseback riding, it must have just rained because I remember the air being cool and the sky being dark, I also have a very distinct memory of the mud and puddles that the horse walked through as we rode. This memory has less to do with the horse and more to do with my dad, When we got there it was just the 3 of us, or at least I dont remember any one else being present, the instructor brought us to the horses and told my parents to put me on one, they looked at him kind of strange but did not question him, I remember being put up on this huge animal, I also remember seeing my mom get onto her horse and then I remember taking off for the ride, the instructor was first in the line up then my mom followed,then me and dad was behind, as we went on the trail, I held on for dear life, I was frightened, I remember that we went through what seemed like a long dark tunnel, im sure it was short and well enough lit, but I looked down and realized just how far up I was and I remember thinking that I might fall, I began to cry, then I heard my dads voice, "Don't cry Chelle, it's okay, dont be afraid, Dad is right here" with my dads voice I felt not so alone, I looked up and remember seeing that the end of the tunnel was drawing near, I heard my dad still " were almost done, just hang on tight" I dont remember the rest of the trail, I just remember when we were through and getting off of the horse's the instructor looked at my parents and said "How long has she been riding?" my parents looked at him and said "this is her first time!" he then looked shocked and something to the effect of well she's a natural! I think I have ridding a horse just one other time in my life! this memory is so powerful to me, this story tells of a beautiful relationship that I hold so dear, my relationship with my dad, he is not perfect, he is human, but I am certain that God has given us a special relationship, one of closeness and understanding on the things that cut right down to the depth of a person, to their very soul, My dad is my biggest fan, he has always believed in me, always assured me that "it's okay chelle" and to not "be afraid" Even though I now am an adult married and have 3 kids of my own to raise, I still here his voice behind me, letting me know that he is there, he is behind me, he believes in me and he loves me. Not a lot of woman can say this about their dad and for that I know that I am truly blessed. God you have given me such a wonderful earthly father and although I know he is far from perfect I am grateful for the Man he is and how he has helped form my view of you. I love you Lord, the Journey continues, the end of the tunnel is drawing near, hang on we are almost there.

I Just Want to know the deep Mysteries of the Universe! Is that too much to ask?

So I've really been struggling lately with understanding the purpose of life, of my own life, yes, but I think more than that just life in general. I have been crying and whining to God for him to make this clear to me, It used to be clear to me, but for some reason I feel as though the answer has been blurred, like Im looking through a sheet and not seeing clearly, does anyone else ever feel this way? I love what the great C. S. Lewis says about God being the great Iconoclast continually shattering the images that we create for him, breaking that box that we put him in. God and his greatness cannot fully be understood in our limited capacity of understanding, But that being said he wants us to Know him. He displays this in Coming to earth to walk among us, to feel what we feel, to experience what we experience and to Love us! So How can we know God? how can we know what he desires for our lives? why? if he wanted our fellowship did he not just create us and leave us with him in Heaven? what is this earth experience all about? Tough questions, and yet I know this is not the first time these have been pondered and sought out, I believe that God has me at this point in my journey, and I believe he will reveal the answers to me, maybe not when and how I think he should, but I know that he is faithful, even when I am not. I also believe that God does not get offended by my questioning him, I think he has heard it all before and I think he loves me enough to guide me to where he wants me to go. So the journey continues, I look forward to seeing how God bring me through this to reveal his Glory to me, and bring me to a place in my heart and mind where peace abounds.

And so it begins

Sometimes its hard to tell when something really begins, I mean Lets take my journey with homeschooling for example, did it really start on December 1st 2009? or did it start when God whispered into my ear years before to get prepared to do this? so does a journey start in your head, your heart or when you take that first all important step? I withdrew from Gorman Learning Center yesterday , Gorman was our Charter school, they provided the curriculum the assignments and in turn I was to teach my children what they wanted me to teach them, and do it on their timeline, turn in the assignments by end of the learning period, basically was reproducing the same type of work that the public school offers, did not take me long to discover that it was NOT what I invisioned our homeschool life as being, the goal is not to reproduce a class room in our home, The goal is to create in our home a Love, A love for what? For Each other, For God, for Truth, for Healthy relationships, for Trust, for Learning. And I know that I Hated school, I NEVER fit into the box that that the public school system tried to shove me into and my kids dont fit into that box either. And so it begins, today we face a new frontier, today I take a step of obediance and start building from the ground up, I dont really know exactly what I am doing to be quit honest, But this I know, God has called me to this, It has proven to be difficult thus far, and also very encouraging at times, I have an undefined vision that still needs shaping and I suspect that it will continue to take shape as we continue to grow. God Help me make the right choices, help me to honor you and be aligned with your will, on a side note, when I decided to start this process I foolishly thought this experience would change the way my kids learned, yes that will happen, but guess who has the bigger changes taking place? I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks!