7 months ago today was the last time the old me was alive, it was the me that was naive and clueless as to what was about to unfold in my life. When all of this "stuff" was revealed to me on August 31st 2010, I thought for sure (after the shock and numbness wore off) that I would truly die, literally, I had a couple of moments early on there where I literally thought "how will I ever make it through this?" I thought my life was going to end and even though I really thought and felt that, I have to say thanks be to God that I was never truly hopeless, God in his unfailing way kept that spark of hope alive in me. I knew that somehow, someway, someday this would all work out, and not that it would all "just workout", but I knew that it was something that would be for our good. We are still thick into this journey, this journey of healing and restoration, and though some days are absolutely wonderful, some days are still quite hard. But this is what I can tell you, and I am absolutely certain of it, God is so good! he is the true lover of our souls, he is our everything, he never ceases to amaze me on how good, loving, patient and in control he is. The creator of the universe loves me! he loves you! and he is very active and present in our lives, can we just think about that for a moment? the depth of what that actually means.... amazing! God looked at the life that my husband and I were living and he said NO, this is not what I designed you for, this is not what I had in mind when I put you two together and said it was good, he gave us a chance to change, he gave my husband time and opportunity after opportunity to repent, and then he very lovingly said it's time for this "life" to cease, it's time to come out of darkness and into the light. He exposed my husbands sins, and has since also exposed mine, yes mine too, mine that were more "acceptable" than my husbands sins of lust and unfaithfulness. He showed me my sins of pride, doubt, idolatry, and selfishness to name just a few and he is continually showing me that he has a better way. So when I look back at this past 7 months and think "wow what a short time" it amazes me how much death, growth and change my marriage has endured in that short time, and I have discovered that this "death of me" really isn't a bad thing, I want Christ to be who lives in me, who loves through me, who leads me and fulfills me and who I am hidden in. Why should we merely survive on the scraps and leftovers of what this world can give, when Christ offers us abundant life, life over flowing with his goodness, yes the road to get to it may prove painful, but oh how blessed it is to receive this new life.
Romans 6:4
We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
