A Year In The Making

I year ago today, my heart was shattered, well technically, an arrow was shot into it and the shattered pieces slowly fell apart in the months that followed as the depth of the wound was fully uncovered. I can hardly believe it has been a year, and what is more amazing is the fact that I can sit here and say I am truly grateful for it, no... I am not grateful for any of the sin, the betrayal, the lies, but I am grateful for the changes. I am grateful that this seeming tragedy in my life, in our lives, was what has brought us closer together than we ever have been, it has helped us to "break free" in many ways, it has helped us learn and grow and understand deeper the meaning of love and compassion and grace and forgiveness and what unconditional really means, we are still breaking free, we are still changing. As I was walking this morning I marveled at the grace and compassion of our great God, one year ago today I was on my knees in the shower (sometimes the only place a mom of 3 can find quiet) and I was crying out to God, pleading with him for deliverance from my depression and his seeming absence in my life, asking him to heal me, to be with me, to make me new, then my mouth uttered words which I could only assume to be spirit inspired, I said "Lord would you please bring restoration to my marriage" when I prayed this I even thought "that was weird, I didn't know my marriage needed restoring" but God knew, and he wanted to restore the damage that I had yet to even know about, the damage I would find out about later that night. I marveled at his goodness, he has done all of those things that I prayed for as the water rushed over my face, washing my tears away that morning. He is good. So good. There are a few things I can tell you about the year that has passed, this year has changed me more than any other year of my 32 (almost 33) years, this year has presented challenges that have stretched me like no other, this year has bound Ryan and I together as a team like never before, we have learned and are still learning how to be the others helper and encourager and how to fight the battle side by side, together, this year has proven to me God's grace and beauty, his power, his redemption and his heart for his children, I have always known God was good, but now I KNOW God is good, I have found strength in my pain, and even in my weakness, I have a much deeper love and appreciation for my husband, he is not perfect, but he is almost unrecognizable from his former self, together we entered the refiners fire and so much has been burned away, and what is emerging is beautiful. During my walk this morning I was also thinking about just how much I love Jesus, how I have leaned hard into him this past year and how he has never forsaken me, it made me think about what I have heard people say so often in our culture, that religion is a crutch for the weak, I don't know about "religion" but Jesus carries me when I am too weak to walk on my own, he's a great friend and I love him. My dad has said something to me over the years and it is a truth I think would do us well to grab hold of and that is this "Yesterday is gone forever, Tomorrow is not promised to us, all we have is Today" Today is all we have, the moments that make up today... this is for the embracing, it has been a year in the making... Today is a good day.