Resistance

I've noticed in my life that when ever I come to the realization of something, when God is teaching me something new or showing me something about myself, the world in general or my circumstance's, if I am called to change, surrender or move forward in endurance, the very next thing to happen will be some sort of resistance, as though something or someone is objecting to my change.... I am a fighter by nature, I have a tenancy to "Never Give Up" this can also been seen as stubborness I have caused myself a lot of trouble by being so stubborn, I have gone through life and at times charging ahead, forcing, pushing and shoving to make things happen, this is not beautiful, and when I see this trait in others I really dislike it and lately when I feel myself hurried and shoving for something I try to remind myself that "Life is not an emergency". Change is simple really, you realize what is wrong and you don't do it any more... right? Why? why is it so hard to change? experts tell us that it take 3 full weeks of doing something a new way to either make or brake a habit, this may work well for things like learning to stop biting my nails, but what about when it comes to things that have deeply been ingrained into my heart and soul for years, like fear, like worry, like automatically catastrophizing lifes scenarios in my head. It is taking me time to overcome these obstacles and learn how to use the resistance to my advantage, in the past the resistance has been such a deterrent, a force that knocks me down and takes the wind out of my sails for a little while, the mistake I think I have made, is that I try to figure these things out, I want to know why I am feeling a certain way, why things are the way that they are, why other people do the things that they do, as though I NEED the  knowledge of these things to continue on. It's a trap really, it gets me to focus my eyes back on me and my limitations and take them off of the one who's ways are higher, the one who is showing me how to walk in freedom... my savior. When we were in Portland a few month back I was writing in my journal there, and I had a light bulb moment I was writing out my feelings to God and telling him that I was ready to change, that I was too tired of carrying the burden of not trusting my husband, that I was ready to "let go" and trust God to catch me, to be my safety net, then I penned these words " I would say... Lord would you meet me here? But it is I that must meet you there" maybe the resistance is what will lift me off the ground and help me meet God above my circumstances, maybe he wants to change me and for him to be able to work fully I need to get my mind to a place of renewal a place of letting go, of saying I DON'T KNOW WHY, and that's ok with me, in the book of John ch. 21 Peter is talking to Jesus and he is asking him about one of the other disciples and basically Jesus answers him in a rebuke, he says
"If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me." I take Jesus to be saying here, don't worry about anyone else or what they are doing, you make sure that you are following me and doing what I have called YOU to do. Also while in Portland we attended Don Millers storyline conference and he spoke of this resistance that we encounter and offered a different perspective on it check out this note taken by someone at the conference and then posted to their blog: 

Resistance creates lift, I love that!  So maybe resistance is not something that just comes from the enemy of my soul to try and shove me back down, discourage me and throw me into the pit of despair, maybe resistance, though unpleasant as it might feel, can be used to lift me to that place of meeting him there, of following him regardless of what my neighbor is doing, of loving and serving my neighbor regardless of what their life looks like, isn't that what Jesus did? he came to serve and not to be served, to look at the heart of a person and offer his love and acceptance of who they truly were, the real them, the real me, the real you, resistance creates lift... Soar!