The Deep Yes

In one of the books I am currently reading, Consumer Detox I came across a Chapter called "The Deep Yes" (Shallow No & Deep Yes) this chapter seemed to go along quite nicely with where my blog has been going the last couple of days, Yesterday I wrote about the importance of Women needing other Women in their lives and Ryan is working on a guest post about why men need other men in their lives (coming soon!), today I wanted to share some of what I read this morning about the "Deep Yes" Basically what I took away from it is that we have the opportunity in life to weed out all of the things that don't really matter, those time consumers, those things that are false and those things that have the potential to mislead us and eat up our precious present moments, and the things in life that we hold dear, and in turn embrace those things that are real and true, those things that matter and we can wholeheartedly give that true and deep yes to, like relationships, the thing is that these things take time, work and a great deal of sacrifice, he has a list of things in this chapter that can help us have a different perspective on what sorts of things we can give that deep yes to, here is what he has to say about relationships...

Deep Yes 3: Relationships

Relationships struggle to grow in the thin soil of consumer life. Time is short and overloaded with options. We move around more and commit to others less. Today the average American has only two close friends, and almost one in four has no one to confide in at all. The same thing is happening all over.

Our relationships get channeled into shallow patterns. We trade opinions via anonymous chat sites, under the cover of our "user name".

We get hooked on the artificial world of TV drama (yes, even the gritty,"realistic" kind). We become armchair expert on gangster culture, the inner workings of the White House, Counterterrorism or whatever else is featured in the latest unmissable series. Season one, season two, season three- we get drawn into the long narrative arc. But in the process we lose time to enjoy the drama in our lives and neighborhoods.

Then There's porn.

The current Archbishop of Canterbury once wrote that porn "is not erotic enough". If this was a formal complaint to an adult film company, I'd be concerned, but it was actually in a work of theology. And he's right.

Real sex-sex as the tender mystery God intended - is intimate, patient, focused on the other. It's tricky (to friends about to get married I liken it learning to play the guitar!). It can be frustrating. But it binds two souls together and whispers the irreducible worth of the one you love.

Porn is nothing like this. It's quick, cheap and easily forgotten. Porn is lonely- it takes place in pornonymity. It speaks of nobody's worth, which is why it makes us feel so guilty. Porn is not sexy enough by half.

Porn is shallow- it can't deliver the real human connection it promises. One adult show (in a rather transparent attempt to appear "cultural") did a feature on a pornographic sculptor. The interviewer wanted to know why he used such a soft rock for his work. "Why aren't there many naked sculptures in granite?" she asked. The sculptor replied, "sculpting in granite is expensive, difficult, and time-consuming."

Enough said.

Ironically this was probably one of the most revealing moments that show has ever broadcast.

Why do we get drawn into this stuff? Why does Saturday night find men glued to sporting high lights instead of embracing their wives? Why are some young couples so used to leisure time that having kids feels like a sacrifice? Why is it so hard to commit to one area and the people we meet there? 

It doesn't have to be this way. We can grow deep relationships. We can invest in our family and, perhaps embark on the risky journey of marriage and raising kids. We can build friendships; we can share meals; we can commit to a local church. All it takes is a shallow no and a deep yes.

I appreciated that this author took the time to address pornography as the relationship stealer that it is, our marriage has been porn free for about a year now and I cannot begin to tell you of all the positive changes that God has brought to our marriage (in all ways) , it has taken time and work and there is still healing to be had but what a beautiful thing God offers us and the world tries to destroy. Take the time make the sacrifice say no to the shallow and yes to the deep.