The Beautiful Broken

There are seasons in your life when tears flow so easily and so very often, this has been one of those seasons. We had the weekend to ourselves, the kids enjoyed their time with their grandparents, getting dirty, getting spoiled, playing, exploring, laughing and loving the summertime freedom. We enjoyed our time alone, just us, there was dreaming, laughing and yes crying too, sometimes I wonder, will there be a day again when tears don't want to flow? will there be a time again when I don't remember the last time I cried? tears aren't always bad, sometimes they can be quite beautiful, when they are an outward expression of a soul that is inwardly changing, letting go, healing... They are a reminder that we are human, vulnerable, fragile and real, I am reminded of this quite often these days. I used to have this dream, fantasy really,  before any of this was uncovered, that we would go to Hawaii together someday, just us and I would be beautiful, and he would be in love with me, I could see it, feel it, down to the very dress I was wearing, I was perfect and he was captivated by me, silly I know, but little girls that dream grow up and this part of them never really dies, this dream to be beautiful, to be cherished. Do you still have that dream? he asked, "No" I said, tears rolling, in my mind I realize that it was just a silly fantasy, I will never be perfect, and I now struggle with thinking that I can ever truly captivate my husband, and then he speaks "you are perfect to me" "perfectly imperfect" "beautifully broken" "you" I cry some more, tears that come from a broken dream, but a dream that had to be broken to make way for an even more beautiful reality. The exchange is worth it, true love, deep love, mature love, over fake, fantasy, counterfeit perfection... Yes. Our eyes meet, mine filled with tears, his filled with compassion, and we smile, I nod, and we move on. This dance is quite beautiful sometimes, the pain ebbs away, the healing becomes more secure, Gods hand gently ushers us forward and we walk on shaky and unsure legs, like a baby, learning to take those first strides, until confidence builds and we take off. In the beautiful broken there is healing for our souls, in the beautiful broken our hope is in a God that is bigger and more magnificent than our defeat, more wonderful than life itself, he reminds me that true beauty comes from brokeness rebuilt by his hands.

1. Psalm 63:3
   Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.