She Has A Heart of Gold

My daughter Victoria, only 10 years old, she wants to love like Jesus does, she wants to honor God in her little life.... Sitting around the computer, we look, we discuss, we compare prices and gifts, what about the soccer balls she says? what are those for? I tell her those are for children to play, that even in countries where they struggle to have enough food and clean water, children still want to play. Suggestions keep coming in, I want to get them a chicken and a cow say's our 4 year old, our son says, yeah a cow sounds good, how about some rabbits? We look some more, we watch videos, we hear the tales from the families that have been helped, we hear them praising God. We decide to buy 12 baby chicks for a family, this is a start, this is where we can start. She asks if we can give them more? can we send them blankets? food? toys? She want's to do more, she want's to give more...We talk about how we don't need everything that we think we do, that their is a difference between need and want, she gets it, she say's "like I don't need a DS, but they need food". Yes her dad and I say, yes... we talk to them about the importance of giving more and getting less, that we have a wonderful opportunity to contribute to God's kingdom work, that the people we give these gifts to will know that a family in America wants them to know that Jesus loves them so much that HE is providing for their family, they smile, they receive these words, and we move forward, 12 baby chicks it is, at least to start.... we purchase them, everyone goes away to go about their business and she returns with a crumpled dollar bill and some change in her hand, $2.16 Dad... she say's "I want to give my money to help pay for the baby chicks" dad takes the money and smiles, we put this gift in her name, the family that receives these chicks will know that it is because of Victoria's love for Jesus and him loving them through her, they have received this gift. As we move forward into the Advent, anticipating the coming of our Messiah, what are we in need of? My guess is that like our children we must learn that their is a difference between what we need and what we want, Is there room in our hearts for him? The greatest gift, God became man and walked among us, to serve us, to love us, to fill us, to be one with us... do we fathom the greatness of this gift? Immanuel..... God with us! He entered in, in a lowly way, he entered into the mess of a depraved world, to save, to show us how, to redeem, to give and not to receive, to serve and not to be served. Is there room? are we eager to have him fill us, change us and to delight in our Immanuel? do we know that this is what we are in need of? do we know that this is what we really want?  

Acts 20:35
In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”

For Husbands Only (Christmas Cheat Sheet)

Husbands, now... it is your turn, in my previous post I talked to your wives and reminded them that wives have a very great opportunity to respect you and learn to build you up, now it is time for the men to get a little insight into the women they love. This Christmas... romance your wife. Don't worry... I will provide some idea's ;o) romance is something that every woman desires, from one degree to another it is there in her heart, God placed this desire within her, and yes God does a wonderful job of romancing a woman's heart, but... Husbands have been called, to provide, protect and honor their wives, and romancing them is one of the very important ways you can do this. When pornography and lust were exposed in my marriage, something deep inside of me was broken, I really thought I would never have any real romance in my marriage ever again, (I questioned that any previous romance was ever real also) even seeing wedding ring commercials made me sick to my stomach, I thought romance was all a lie, that I had been tricked into thinking I was special, when maybe I wasn't, this may sound very dramatic, but as many wives as I now know who have had this same devastation in their marriages, these feelings seem pretty normal and universal. Romance speaks something into the worth of a woman, it says to her, you are loved, I will honor you, I am so thankful to have you, if you feel this way about your wife, then romance her, you will not regret it! Just like I did for the wives I will provide a few suggestions below, but get creative, Christmas can be an extremely romantic (albeit stressful) season, all the pretty lights and candles and music and snow (ok, maybe not here is So. Cal) they all can help set the stage for romance, come on guy's it's in the air! don't you feel it? here are a few suggestions for you to romance your bride,

• Is your wife beautiful? tell her! and be specific, do you like her eyes? her hair? her lips? follow king Solomons example in song of Solomon and be generous with your words, make sure she knows that she holds the title of most beautiful to you and that no one can steal that from her! 
• Buy some mistletoe and hang it up in a place that only the two of you spend time, in your bedroom, your bathroom etc..
• Take her on a Christmas date, buy her hot cocoa, or coffee, take her to look at lights, walk in the chilly air and hold her hand (here's a tip, have a place planned to take her, that she has never seen, surprise her!)
• Write to her ( I love it when my husband writes to me!) tell her why you love her, tell her what fond memories you have of her, why you appreciate her, why she is special, how beautiful you think she is, just write it down, and leave it in a place she will find it.
• Arrange for childcare, a bottle of wine a blazing fire and some Christmas music.
• Celebrate the 12 days of Christmas, on the 12 days leading up to Christmas do something special each day, a gift, a card, flowers, breakfast in bed, get creative, have fun! 
• Send her Christmas flowers (don't forget the note!).
• Take her on a Christmas themed adventure. 
• Take her to hear some Christmas music being performed live. 
• Make her a gift with your hands, put time and effort into making something just for her, what are you good at? writing? painting? drawing? building? wrap it and put it under the tree! (so much more special than a store bought gift!) 
• Pray with her and for her everyday! 
• Here is the biggie, sprinkle some kind of romance into every day, does not have to be spectacular or expensive, but let her know she is appreciated as she bears the brunt of the holiday to do lists.... fight for her heart, protect her, come on men, she is worth it! Oh and the best tip... do it all with a genuine heart, truly desiring to honor the wife God has blessed you with!  

For Wives Only (Christmas Edition)

So it's getting close to Christmas the kids are counting down the days, our family is looking at different ways of celebrating our saviors birth this year, and what should we as wives be giving to our husbands? I was pondering this very question yesterday, and here is what I think the best gift is..... Respect (huge for our men). But what does this look like? I think that so much of the marriages in our culture fail because of a couple of main reasons, 1. We are fed the lie that life is about our own happiness and that if we are not happy something is terribly wrong and we must do what ever we can to make ourselves happy, so in other words selfishness and 2. husbands and wives miss communicate. We think we are speaking the same language and we think we feel the same way as our spouse's about certain things..... but we don't, at least not always! So I was thinking what would be some "out of the box" ways of tangibly giving this important gift to the men we are committed to? and with Christmas so close why not now?  I have compiled a list below of some suggestions for us to consider or perhaps to get your own creativity flowing..... I know I know Christmas is stressful enough right? but here me out... I have a post coming for the husbands next and I think you will be happy to see the coin from both sides! As wives we have been given the amazing opportunity to build our husbands up, to encourage them, to believe in them to be the best they can be, to be their biggest fans, best friends, and greatest allies, here are a few Christmas suggestions, some are mine, some are from a few different sources, but all have the potential of becoming great gifts for the one you love, so without further ado....

• Create a journal for your husband and tell him of all the ways you respect him, admire him and appreciate him, take your time, there are a couple of weeks left until Christmas, write in as many of or all of the pages if you can, then wrap it and put it under the tree.
• Does he like to read? get him a book that will be meaningful to him and write a personal message on the inside cover.
• Do you appreciate the way he leads? provides? fixes things around the house? Tell him, be specific, write him a little note telling him and slip it into his Christmas stocking
• Celebrate the 12 days of Christmas with him, give him a little something for each of the 12 days leading up to Christmas, not a lot of money needed here, get creative, fix him breakfast in bed, write him a note, buy him a coffee, a chocolate, whatever, just let him know you appreciate him and you are thinking of him! 
• Plan a get away for just the two of you, something that he would like, let him know this gift is because you appreciate all that he does for you and your family.
• Get childcare for the entire evening, light a fire, get a bottle of wine... nuff said!
• Lingerie, you are his gift, for his eyes only... nuff said! 
• Take what ever opportunity you can to build him up in front of others, whether he is present or not.
• Study him, know what he likes, what he does not like, use a respectful tone all the time, even when you are in conflict and even when your feelings have been hurt..

• Create a memory jar, book, bag etc... fill it with strips of paper that hold memories you have of ways that your husband impressed you, loved you, honored you, was amazing and what ever else you can think of, dig deep and recall all the ways in which you appreciate your man, then wrap it and put it under the tree. 
• Go on an adventure together, be his best friend, have fun, laugh as much as possible! 

I have a couple more but I don't want to spoil any surprises for my own husband, so have fun with this, feel free to leave any idea's in the comments, it would be fun to build upon this list!

Gifts of Compassion

Gifts of Compassion

Rethinking Christmas Gifts...

Isaiah 9:6
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

God Uses Everything

All that I am, in a world that seems so huge and so different, God uses everything, all his creation is being used in the orchestra of this life, this breath, this experience. Like a master chef that carefully and meticulously uses each ingredient to his fullest advantage, making sure that each and every part harmonizes beautifully to reveal the finished dish, we too, are being blended into this great experience, oh that we might learn to savor, to slow, to embrace, learn to see, to touch, to taste and see that he truly is  good. We must find a way to push the darkness back, like a curtain and let his light shine forth, to penetrate the moment, our hearts and our souls. That we might find a way to stand in beautiful defiance, lift our hands and our hearts to the one who alone is faithful and confess that even in pain, in ugliness and confusion we will praise, our weary hearts will be made strong in the recognizing of your beauty, in the remembrance of your goodness and in the trusting of your safekeeping.

"The greatest glory we can give to God is to distrust our own strength utterly, and to commit ourselves wholly to his safekeeping"  Brother Lawrence 

   

Because of Grace

A year ago today my husband presented me with a very long letter, it was the first time in our journey towards healing that he had really sat and poured all of his heart and thoughts out onto paper, collected them all in one spot for me to read. I kept it of course, and I read it again today, 1 year later, I have read it several times actually within this last year, but in all honesty it has been a good 6 months since I have read it. I find it interesting that grieving has a pattern, it takes on the personality of the person who owns it, but it seems that pretty much across the board it has a course that it is destined to fulfill, whether we want to walk that course or not. When I see my sister in law and my step mom grieving the loss of my brother, I have empathy for them, I know what it is like to grieve a loss, and though my husband is still here, I lost him as I once knew him, our life as I once knew it, was skewed, changed, different, gone. Grieving is hard. Grieving brings change. When my brother died I bought a card for my step mom, on the cover was a butterfly with the words "Just when the caterpillar thought his world was ending, he became a butterfly" I see this in our marriage, I thought my world was ending, but God knew he was going to give us wings. Because of the grace of God, there is hope in our grief. We do not grieve as those who have no hope. When I first read the letter my husband gave to me a year ago today, it was too much for me to take in, he presented it to me with tears in his eyes, and he wanted me to know that he loved me, and more than this, that writing this letter out, for him, reminded him that he was in fact in love with me. I was still deep in hurt and angry, I didn't know if I could or should trust him ever again, today I read the letter with different eyes, and because of Gods grace I read a letter from a man that was broken, and hurting and grieving his sin, and desperately wanted to reconcile the damage he had done, I read a letter from a man who took full ownership of his wrongs and was willing to accept the consequences of his actions and do what ever it took to rebuild my trust, a year later, he still is this man, only God... because of his grace has mended a lot of the brokeness, softened all the hurt, and replaced the grieving with victory. Because of grace, we walk forward, into this journey of metamorphosis, to be changed, to embrace the new "normal" to get our wings...

       

Such a Time as This

From the depths of our souls we cry out, naked and vulnerable, there is nothing left to do but surrender, nothing left to hold onto to but you, our hopes and dreams, desires and longings, people and places even life itself, all is fleeting all is but a vapor. My brother Jeff is gone from this earth, there was an urgency in the way that you took him home and this still baffles my mind, but you know best, and who can really know the mind of God. If there is any comfort to be had and any sense of which to make of this, of why you would chose to take a father from his two young sons and a husband from his loving bride, let it be, that you must know a lot more than we. You must know a whole lot more about the plans for your creation, the plans for your children and you must know a whole lot more about death and what it truly brings. Lord, it is such a time as this, that we stand in shock, disbelief and the utter realization that any control we think we have is nothing more than an illusion, yes we have choices to make, and yes we have free will, but control? that belongs to you. At such a time as this may we stand in awe and wonder at the marvelous works that still are being done, even in our midst, Lord give us eyes to see it, hope to endure it, love to celebrate it and trust to embrace it, to embrace you. Thank you that there is nothing that can separate us from your love, not even death. Thank you that your plans are still good.


Psalm 139:16
Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.      

Dad, Jeff, me and Mike 1984

A memorial fund website is in the works for any one wanting to donate to Jeff's wife Lana and their two sons Joshua and Ethan, I will provide the link soon, Thanks!

Ok the site is up and running... here is the link jeffbehrensfamily.com thank you for considering a donation! 


Jeffrey Alan Behrens June 2 1975 ~ October 19 2011